Our Journey to Parenthood

Our journey to parenthood hasn't been what we thought it would be. I've felt it in my heart to share the rawness of our story, because more people go through it than we realize. Infertility isn't an easy thing to talk about. But it is something we need to be able to talk about. You see, we tried starting our family in late 2017. You don't know how long it will take to grow your family, or if it will happen for you. Only God knows our story and has the timeline planned out for us. When we want something now, it's hard to wait patiently for it to happen.

Countless tests, cycles, announcements on social media of other bundle of joys on the way, and close friends getting pregnant multiple times was a lot when time keeps going by for you. It becomes hard to hide how you feel on the inside. You start believing what the enemy wants you to think..... "I'm not good enough to be a mom, I must not be ready to be a mom, what's wrong with me, what am I not doing right." Your self worth dwindles down and you compare yourself to every woman. Now, we as women are bad to compare ourselves to each other. The enemy wants us to see what we DON'T have instead of what we do have. I became bitter. I'm not proud to admit it, but it's the truth. I became so bitter I had to hit rock bottom to see where I was. I didn't like myself, and I didn't like what I had become. I had allowed Satan to steal what was mine, my joy of life. I had a history of anxiety and depression and the infertility didn't help. I was trying to deal with my feelings by myself, thinking and feeling alone.... when all along I was never alone. Every tear, every thought the enemy told me, every bad thing I said about myself, God was there through it all.

Everyone's story is different. Everyone's journey is different. We can't compare ourselves to someone else because we didn't walk down the road they walked. John and I both had our share of confusion and pain over the years of trying to start our family. We had just started seeking answers this year about what was the issue. What was our next step in having a family? We had a few tests done, which lead us to believe we would need help being able to conceive. During this process I was dealing with myself and trying to heal and deal with the bitterness I had built up. I talked with the Lord about forgiving me in how I had handled a LOT of things. Letting my emotions run the show and becoming bitter was a lot of what I was trying to heal from. I got to a place of accepting OUR walk, OUR journey, and OUR story. I remember praying and talking with the Lord about trusting Him in whatever that looked like, if that meant IVF, adoption, or us not having kids. I was going to embrace the right now, and know that whatever it was going to be, it will be.

"But Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26

Weeks to come from that moment in accepting our walk to starting a family I would not expect what happened next. The day John had made an appointment to follow up on our step in our infertility process God showed us and reminded us that HE is the one that is in control. I found out I was indeed pregnant. The first positive pregnancy test I've ever gotten. I wondered for so long how would that moment feel. I was shocked and couldn't believe it. At times it still feels unreal, but God had a plan for us all along. Of all the days I could find out I was pregnant was the day we had made an appointment for more tests to be done in starting a family. God showed us how good of a father He is. He reminded us "all things are possible through Him." That day He said "I GOT YOU."

I share our story because it's easy for everything to look great on the outside, on social media, etc. We never know what each other is going through. We all are going through something, and, no matter what that is, God is faithful and He is there with you whatever you are going through. I will continue to share God's goodness and faithfulness.

I pray for all the couples wanting a family of their own. The longing and wondering if it will ever happen, I can truly understand. I pray in those times of sorrow and the unknown, that you feel God's presence with you. That you know no matter how alone you may feel in that moment, you are not alone. It also helped me to follow others on social media who were walking the same or similar walk that we were in as well. Seeing other couples stories helped me know we weren't the only couple going through it, and gave me hope. We were not meant to do things alone. God has us in His hands, and people in the world that truly care about what you are going through. Prayers for all the women longing to be moms, and all the men longing to be dads.